A comment on the question of the day board about wives being of higher authority, and another where contradicting Admirals was mentioned reminded me of a poster I saw in an office at HMS Raleigh. The photo isn't very good so here's what it says...
Leaps tall buildings with a single bound,
Is more powerful than an express locomotive,
Faster than a speeding bullet,
Walks on water.
Gives policy to GOD
Leaps short buildings with a single bound,
Is more powerful than a shunting engine,
As fast as a speeding bullet,
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks with GOD.
Leaps short buildings with a running start,
Is almost as powerful as a shunting engine,
And slower than a speeding bullet,
Walks on water in indoor swimming pools.
Talks with GOD if a special chit is provided.
Barely clears small huts,
Loses tug-of-war with small engine,
(Wins tug of war with an engine when assisted)
Can fire a speeding bullet,
Is occasionally addressed by GOD
Sometimes clears a garden shed
Loses tug of war with an engine
Has been known to handle a gun
Swims with difficulty
Has been heard to say Oh God!
LIEUTENANT (SUB LIEUTENANT)
Makes high marks when trying to leap over buildings,
Is run over by engines,
Can sometimes handle a gun without injuring himself,
And doggy paddles in water.
Talks to Animals
SUB LIEUTENANT (MIDSHIPMAN)
Runs into buildings,
Recognises engines two out of three times,
Is not issued with ammunition,
Can stay afloat whilst wearing a Mae West.
Talks to Walls.
MIDSHIPMAN (CADET or UPPER YARDSMAN)
Falls over step when trying to enter buildings,
Says Look at the Choo-Choo,
Only allowed to look at guns,
(Wets himself with a Water Pistol)
Plays in puddles.
Mumbles to Himself.
CHIEF PETTY OFFICER
Lifts buildings and walks under them,
Kicks locomotives off the tracks,
Catches speeding bullets in his teeth and eats them,
Freezes water with a single glance.
He is GOD.